Wednesday, March 25, 2015

7 Reasons Why You're Still a Single Woman


You're looking around and seeing all the beautiful family portraits on social media, baby bump pictures, date night videos, and you're wishing and wondering why can't that be me? What's wrong with me? I am beautiful, well put together, I have a great personality, I am smart, I'm independent, all those good stuff, yet I'm still single. Yes I know, this feeling sucks. And since you're wondering why you're still single, I'm going to give you a list to choose from. All may not pertain to you, but I guarantee you that one will. Ready? Here we go!

1. Fearful
Your previous relationship(s) sucked, or the guy was not the person you expected him to be. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you are fearful of the same thing happening with someone new. This fear can keep you away from starting a new relationship. This fear can also drive someone away, because no one wants to be around someone with trust issues. And although you can't trust anyone, you can't make that brutally obvious.

Tip: Don't let fear hold you back. If you're going to give someone a chance, be fair to them, and put your fear aside. The absence of faith is fear, have faith.

2.  Picky
You know exactly what you want and it's super hard to find, right? Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you might just be too picky. He has to be tall, light/dark skin, muscular/slim, super smart, perfect skin, perfect smile, rich, own a home, and the list goes on. By being so mentally picky, you may overlook a guy that would be your ideal match. You're looking for guys that are darn near perfect, but you're not, no one is. Your expectations may not be logical. And although people will say what is meant to be will be, you actually control what is meant to be, by the choices that you make.

Tip: The only thing you should be picky about, is whether or not he is a true man of God. And I'm not talking about the guys that say they believe in God, yet don't own a bible, still goes to the clubs, don't have a church home, drinks more than a drunken sailor, and the list goes on. A man that truly believes in God, will fear him and would treat you the best way he can. And when he doesn't, his conscience will immediately bother him to make amends. That's the man you deserve.

3. Appearance
In case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of good looking females walking the streets, yet the ones you would consider yourself more attractive than, are usually the ones that are married. Do you want to know why? Although there are some guys that are into women that wear weaves, a ton of makeup, skimpy/skin tight clothing, and all that jazz, the guy that you need in your life won't necessarily be into all that stuff. So maybe your appearance is attracting the wrong type of guys(e.g. guys that just want to have sex, guys that just want you on their arms to boast their ego...etc).

On the other hand, maybe you are plain Jane, overweight, or somewhat lacking confidence. Sometimes this can cause you to attract guys that will take advantage of your vulnerability, or don't attract them at all. And you don't want neither. So how should you look?

Tip: Take care of your body. If you're a plain Jane, or overweight, dress up a little, eat right, exercise, style your hair, groom yourself, polish your nails, smell your best, feel your best, build your self confidence. Etc. If you're going to wear makeup, go for a natural look for everyday wear(glam it up for special occasions). Dress conservative for the most part, be the girl that a guy would be excited to take home to his parents, not the girl he would want to show off to his buddies, and then the buck stops there. Love yourself first, before trying to love someone else.

4. Desperate
Every guy you date won't be husband material, and by now you should know that. So when you're dating a guy, don't pressure him to be the one, when he's not. Don't pretend to be his wife, when you're not. You may not notice your own desperation, but guys know when you're desperate for a husband. The last thing they want is to be pressured into marrying you, because your biological clock is ticking. Another thing that makes you appear desperate is when you're trying too hard. You want to move in with the guy, you're doing his laundry, having sex with him, cooking for him, cleaning his apartment, to prove to him what a catch you are.

Tip: You don't need to prove to a guy what a catch you are, if you're a catch. Let things flow naturally. Don't give a guy too much of yourself, if he can't commit to spending the rest of his life with you. Date guys that you don't need to fix.

5. Personality
Look, don't hate me for saying this, but maybe your personality needs a tune up. You walk around with an angry face, if a guy gives you a compliment, you give him the grumpy look, you have a bad attitude, you're overly defensive, you have split personalities. Etc. I'm sure that you believe you're fun, down to earth, and maybe you are, but a guy can't see that if you're uptight, and even try to be professional on a date.

Tip: Be yourself. Be the woman you are around your best friends. If you are aware that your personality needs some work, you should work on that, because although I'm certain there's a guy that will love you for it, it just makes finding him that much difficult.

6. Issues
Yes, you might have some issues. I don't know what caused you to have the problems that you do, but you do. You have 4 children by 4 different men, you've been married over 3 times, you sleep around with multiple men,  you have low self esteem, you still communicate with your exes on a personal level, you're negative and unapproachable, your location sucks,  you're a quitter, unresolved issues in your past...etc. Girl you've got some issues!

Tip: A guy will love you regardless of your past. But you need to deal with your psychological issues and all others. If you need to speak with a therapist, do so, resolve your issues. Do not carry them into your relationship. Cast your burdens upon Jesus.

7. Independent
So you're Ms. Independent and don't need a man for anything else, but companionship, correct? Well keep that between us. Do not go around making this your main topic on your dates. How successful you are, how much money you make, you pay your own bills... bla, bla, bla. Guess who you will attract....bums, gold diggers(guys that want you to financially support them), or absolutely no one. While being an independent woman is good thing, to other independent women, it can be a bad thing to a man that wants you to depend on him, while he's able to depend on you. 

Tip: The man that you deserve wants to be your provider, even if you don't need him to. He will applaud your ambition and success, not for himself, but because he genuinely admires the strong, intelligent woman that you are. He won't try to keep you down, he will build you up. When you grow, he grows, vice versa. The man that you deserve won't need your money, because he has his own. Don't scare him away by acting like you don't need him. Because you will continue to be Ms. Independent.

Of course there are some women that are single by choice. But for the women that actually want a husband, children, and is having a tough time, I hope you find these tips useful. We can't fix others, but we can fix ourselves. Once that is done, you will truly know your worth, and won't settle. Wait for the man that you deserve, and you deserve the absolute best. If you desire to have children, and you don't see that happening, be a mentor to a child. Try not to stress or worry yourself about marriage, kids, relationships...etc. God has a plan for your life, so keep your mind on him. Who knows, maybe Mr. Right is right in front your face. Be patient, be focused,  be encouraged.

Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below, Why do you think you're single?

10 comments:

  1. I guess I'm single because I'm Ms. Independent. :( Thinking about it, I might brag about my accomplishment, because I'm so proud of myself. But you're so right, that's keeping me single. And guys I'm meeting, they're not smart enough, and don't make enough. I might be too picky also, but that's because I don't want a guy to use me. Oh my, I'm also fearful. I have issues. lol Thanks for the tips. Definitely an eye opener. I will try my best. Love this blog, no sugarcoating.

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    1. Lol! I was in the same boat for quite some time, but the tips I gave really helped me out. I'm not saying to settle for an uneducated, broke man, but don't assume that a guy is this by his job title, his clothing... Etc. Even in relationships/marriage, some of these tips can still be applied. I'm glad you love this blog, I do too..hehe. I pray you will find true love, because every woman deserves it. Thanks for stopping by, and taking the time out to comment. You're awesome!

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  2. Hi again. This is quite the interesting subject you've got here. I think that main issue for me is fear but the overwhelming sub-issue is lack o f trust. I just don't believe you man. Part of that stems from the fact that the " man of God" I was dating turned out to be just the "man of FLESH"', and he's not the only "MOG" doing dirt with various and sundry women. I know we're all human, needs etc. But if the men in the Church are acting this way, what is a girl to do? I guess I am a bit jaded. Another thing, the Bible says "He that findeth a wife ...." Since this is the case, what, if any, looking should we as women be doing? Finally, I dress to please me. However, when I take a little extra time and gussy myself up, someone always says "you looking out"? Give me a break!!!! I always say,if a man is interested when I'm just in chill mode on my looks, that's great. That means he's looking past clothes, hair and make up cause being dressed to kill 24/7 is not my thing. Whew!! Where did that all come from? LOL.

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    1. Hi DITG,
      Welcome back! I will try my best to address everything you mentioned. No one wants to be told that they're single, because of themselves. And that's okay. Sometimes a woman can be drop dead gorgeous and still single, location and many other factors can play a part in this.

      I'm sorry that you were deceived by a man, this has happened to me in the past. It's never a good feeling, but don't allow it to keep you bondage in fear. I did a lot of research, analyzed my experiences, and did some observation, and one of the things I realized, when relationships fail, the women had red flags about the man, even before she married him, yet ignored it. So before marrying a man, date him for a while. Truly get to know him. Find out his weaknesses, his past issues, learn his character(his history),...etc, because chances are the same flaws he has while dating you, or had in his past relationship, he will carry it into your relationship with him. So find a 'true man of God', lots of fakes going around, God will give you signs. Don't assume all church men are bad, but don't assume they're all good either.
      To address your second point, you're not doing the looking, you are simply preparing yourself for the man that you deserve. If you don't work on the things mentioned above, you can attract the wrong types of men(wolves in sheep clothing). I believe a woman should be her absolute best self, to truly know her worth, and not settle. For instance, if a woman thinks she's ugly, and a man realizes her low self esteem, tells her she's beautiful, just to get in her knickers, you can see how wrong this can go. Now if that same woman, took care of herself, knew that she's beautiful inside and out, it will be hard for her to easily fall for someone that's all about manipulating her, for the wrong reasons. Yes you should dress to please yourself. But if I did that all the time, I'd be in pajamas all day. Lol! There are so many good looking single women. Some of them are dressed to kill, and still single. I'm not saying you should be dressed to kill. But you should dress to please the man you want to attract. If you wear mini dresses, with loads of cleavage exposed, you might just attract a sleaze bag. On the other hand, if you are more conservative, yet well put together, you will more than likely attract a stand up gentlemen. You don't need make-up and hair extensions to be attractive(he won't see you with all that on at home), but you should still take care of your body, look your best, feel your best, have a balanced amount of self confidence...etc. Because ultimately a man will only approach a woman that is attractive in his eyes, but if a woman is busy walking around with your hair a mess, smelling funky,clothes a mess... she will be overlooked.
      I hope I cleared up some of your concerns. I pray that you will find a genuine man of God. Thanks again for stopping by and commenting. You're fabulous! :)

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  3. I gotta spruce up some of these things, because your husband can still leave u and find some one better if you're lacking in these areas

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    1. Hi Traveler,
      This is so true. Sometimes after a woman is married, she 'lets herself go'. When in actuality, this is the time she should glam it up, and be better than before. There is always room for improvement. I'm glad you're making these improvement. God's speed in your relationship. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. You're fantastic! :)

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  4. I'm single because I choose to be. As a single parent , I can't trust any man around my two daughters. I guess that would be considered fearful, but I really don't think I need a man to complete me. Guys approach me all the time, and I shut them down. I don't have time for games, and I just feel men play too many games.

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    1. Hi Ms. Single,
      Yes this would be considered somewhat fearful, but I totally understand why. With all the crazy people in the world, you can't trust any and everybody around your children. Some women are happily single, and that's awesome! True happiness can't be found in a man, only in God. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. You are awesome!

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  5. Caribbean QueenMarch 30, 2015

    Reason #8 You're attracted to the wrong type of men.
    If you like players or bums, you're going to be unlucky in love.

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    1. Hi Caribbean Queen,
      I think that would fall under reason #6, because that's a major issue. At least now you know what you're doing wrong, and can make better choices in the future. I hope God will guide you in the right path. Thanks for stopping by. :)

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