Wednesday, March 25, 2015
7 Reasons Why You're Still a Single Woman
You're looking around and seeing all the beautiful family portraits on social media, baby bump pictures, date night videos, and you're wishing and wondering why can't that be me? What's wrong with me? I am beautiful, well put together, I have a great personality, I am smart, I'm independent, all those good stuff, yet I'm still single. Yes I know, this feeling sucks. And since you're wondering why you're still single, I'm going to give you a list to choose from. All may not pertain to you, but I guarantee you that one will. Ready? Here we go!
Your previous relationship(s) sucked, or the guy was not the person you expected him to be. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you are fearful of the same thing happening with someone new. This fear can keep you away from starting a new relationship. This fear can also drive someone away, because no one wants to be around someone with trust issues. And although you can't trust anyone, you can't make that brutally obvious.
Tip: Don't let fear hold you back. If you're going to give someone a chance, be fair to them, and put your fear aside. The absence of faith is fear, have faith.
You know exactly what you want and it's super hard to find, right? Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you might just be too picky. He has to be tall, light/dark skin, muscular/slim, super smart, perfect skin, perfect smile, rich, own a home, and the list goes on. By being so mentally picky, you may overlook a guy that would be your ideal match. You're looking for guys that are darn near perfect, but you're not, no one is. Your expectations may not be logical. And although people will say what is meant to be will be, you actually control what is meant to be, by the choices that you make.
Tip: The only thing you should be picky about, is whether or not he is a true man of God. And I'm not talking about the guys that say they believe in God, yet don't own a bible, still goes to the clubs, don't have a church home, drinks more than a drunken sailor, and the list goes on. A man that truly believes in God, will fear him and would treat you the best way he can. And when he doesn't, his conscience will immediately bother him to make amends. That's the man you deserve.
In case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of good looking females walking the streets, yet the ones you would consider yourself more attractive than, are usually the ones that are married. Do you want to know why? Although there are some guys that are into women that wear weaves, a ton of makeup, skimpy/skin tight clothing, and all that jazz, the guy that you need in your life won't necessarily be into all that stuff. So maybe your appearance is attracting the wrong type of guys(e.g. guys that just want to have sex, guys that just want you on their arms to boast their ego...etc).
On the other hand, maybe you are plain Jane, overweight, or somewhat lacking confidence. Sometimes this can cause you to attract guys that will take advantage of your vulnerability, or don't attract them at all. And you don't want neither. So how should you look?
Tip: Take care of your body. If you're a plain Jane, or overweight, dress up a little, eat right, exercise, style your hair, groom yourself, polish your nails, smell your best, feel your best, build your self confidence. Etc. If you're going to wear makeup, go for a natural look for everyday wear(glam it up for special occasions). Dress conservative for the most part, be the girl that a guy would be excited to take home to his parents, not the girl he would want to show off to his buddies, and then the buck stops there. Love yourself first, before trying to love someone else.
Every guy you date won't be husband material, and by now you should know that. So when you're dating a guy, don't pressure him to be the one, when he's not. Don't pretend to be his wife, when you're not. You may not notice your own desperation, but guys know when you're desperate for a husband. The last thing they want is to be pressured into marrying you, because your biological clock is ticking. Another thing that makes you appear desperate is when you're trying too hard. You want to move in with the guy, you're doing his laundry, having sex with him, cooking for him, cleaning his apartment, to prove to him what a catch you are.
Tip: You don't need to prove to a guy what a catch you are, if you're a catch. Let things flow naturally. Don't give a guy too much of yourself, if he can't commit to spending the rest of his life with you. Date guys that you don't need to fix.
Look, don't hate me for saying this, but maybe your personality needs a tune up. You walk around with an angry face, if a guy gives you a compliment, you give him the grumpy look, you have a bad attitude, you're overly defensive, you have split personalities. Etc. I'm sure that you believe you're fun, down to earth, and maybe you are, but a guy can't see that if you're uptight, and even try to be professional on a date.
Tip: Be yourself. Be the woman you are around your best friends. If you are aware that your personality needs some work, you should work on that, because although I'm certain there's a guy that will love you for it, it just makes finding him that much difficult.
Yes, you might have some issues. I don't know what caused you to have the problems that you do, but you do. You have 4 children by 4 different men, you've been married over 3 times, you sleep around with multiple men, you have low self esteem, you still communicate with your exes on a personal level, you're negative and unapproachable, your location sucks, you're a quitter, unresolved issues in your past...etc. Girl you've got some issues!
Tip: A guy will love you regardless of your past. But you need to deal with your psychological issues and all others. If you need to speak with a therapist, do so, resolve your issues. Do not carry them into your relationship. Cast your burdens upon Jesus.
So you're Ms. Independent and don't need a man for anything else, but companionship, correct? Well keep that between us. Do not go around making this your main topic on your dates. How successful you are, how much money you make, you pay your own bills... bla, bla, bla. Guess who you will attract....bums, gold diggers(guys that want you to financially support them), or absolutely no one. While being an independent woman is good thing, to other independent women, it can be a bad thing to a man that wants you to depend on him, while he's able to depend on you.
Tip: The man that you deserve wants to be your provider, even if you don't need him to. He will applaud your ambition and success, not for himself, but because he genuinely admires the strong, intelligent woman that you are. He won't try to keep you down, he will build you up. When you grow, he grows, vice versa. The man that you deserve won't need your money, because he has his own. Don't scare him away by acting like you don't need him. Because you will continue to be Ms. Independent.
Of course there are some women that are single by choice. But for the women that actually want a husband, children, and is having a tough time, I hope you find these tips useful. We can't fix others, but we can fix ourselves. Once that is done, you will truly know your worth, and won't settle. Wait for the man that you deserve, and you deserve the absolute best. If you desire to have children, and you don't see that happening, be a mentor to a child. Try not to stress or worry yourself about marriage, kids, relationships...etc. God has a plan for your life, so keep your mind on him. Who knows, maybe Mr. Right is right in front your face. Be patient, be focused, be encouraged.
Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below, Why do you think you're single?