Wednesday, March 25, 2015

7 Reasons Why You're Still a Single Woman


You're looking around and seeing all the beautiful family portraits on social media, baby bump pictures, date night videos, and you're wishing and wondering why can't that be me? What's wrong with me? I am beautiful, well put together, I have a great personality, I am smart, I'm independent, all those good stuff, yet I'm still single. Yes I know, this feeling sucks. And since you're wondering why you're still single, I'm going to give you a list to choose from. All may not pertain to you, but I guarantee you that one will. Ready? Here we go!

1. Fearful
Your previous relationship(s) sucked, or the guy was not the person you expected him to be. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you are fearful of the same thing happening with someone new. This fear can keep you away from starting a new relationship. This fear can also drive someone away, because no one wants to be around someone with trust issues. And although you can't trust anyone, you can't make that brutally obvious.

Tip: Don't let fear hold you back. If you're going to give someone a chance, be fair to them, and put your fear aside. The absence of faith is fear, have faith.

2.  Picky
You know exactly what you want and it's super hard to find, right? Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you might just be too picky. He has to be tall, light/dark skin, muscular/slim, super smart, perfect skin, perfect smile, rich, own a home, and the list goes on. By being so mentally picky, you may overlook a guy that would be your ideal match. You're looking for guys that are darn near perfect, but you're not, no one is. Your expectations may not be logical. And although people will say what is meant to be will be, you actually control what is meant to be, by the choices that you make.

Tip: The only thing you should be picky about, is whether or not he is a true man of God. And I'm not talking about the guys that say they believe in God, yet don't own a bible, still goes to the clubs, don't have a church home, drinks more than a drunken sailor, and the list goes on. A man that truly believes in God, will fear him and would treat you the best way he can. And when he doesn't, his conscience will immediately bother him to make amends. That's the man you deserve.

3. Appearance
In case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of good looking females walking the streets, yet the ones you would consider yourself more attractive than, are usually the ones that are married. Do you want to know why? Although there are some guys that are into women that wear weaves, a ton of makeup, skimpy/skin tight clothing, and all that jazz, the guy that you need in your life won't necessarily be into all that stuff. So maybe your appearance is attracting the wrong type of guys(e.g. guys that just want to have sex, guys that just want you on their arms to boast their ego...etc).

On the other hand, maybe you are plain Jane, overweight, or somewhat lacking confidence. Sometimes this can cause you to attract guys that will take advantage of your vulnerability, or don't attract them at all. And you don't want neither. So how should you look?

Tip: Take care of your body. If you're a plain Jane, or overweight, dress up a little, eat right, exercise, style your hair, groom yourself, polish your nails, smell your best, feel your best, build your self confidence. Etc. If you're going to wear makeup, go for a natural look for everyday wear(glam it up for special occasions). Dress conservative for the most part, be the girl that a guy would be excited to take home to his parents, not the girl he would want to show off to his buddies, and then the buck stops there. Love yourself first, before trying to love someone else.

4. Desperate
Every guy you date won't be husband material, and by now you should know that. So when you're dating a guy, don't pressure him to be the one, when he's not. Don't pretend to be his wife, when you're not. You may not notice your own desperation, but guys know when you're desperate for a husband. The last thing they want is to be pressured into marrying you, because your biological clock is ticking. Another thing that makes you appear desperate is when you're trying too hard. You want to move in with the guy, you're doing his laundry, having sex with him, cooking for him, cleaning his apartment, to prove to him what a catch you are.

Tip: You don't need to prove to a guy what a catch you are, if you're a catch. Let things flow naturally. Don't give a guy too much of yourself, if he can't commit to spending the rest of his life with you. Date guys that you don't need to fix.

5. Personality
Look, don't hate me for saying this, but maybe your personality needs a tune up. You walk around with an angry face, if a guy gives you a compliment, you give him the grumpy look, you have a bad attitude, you're overly defensive, you have split personalities. Etc. I'm sure that you believe you're fun, down to earth, and maybe you are, but a guy can't see that if you're uptight, and even try to be professional on a date.

Tip: Be yourself. Be the woman you are around your best friends. If you are aware that your personality needs some work, you should work on that, because although I'm certain there's a guy that will love you for it, it just makes finding him that much difficult.

6. Issues
Yes, you might have some issues. I don't know what caused you to have the problems that you do, but you do. You have 4 children by 4 different men, you've been married over 3 times, you sleep around with multiple men,  you have low self esteem, you still communicate with your exes on a personal level, you're negative and unapproachable, your location sucks,  you're a quitter, unresolved issues in your past...etc. Girl you've got some issues!

Tip: A guy will love you regardless of your past. But you need to deal with your psychological issues and all others. If you need to speak with a therapist, do so, resolve your issues. Do not carry them into your relationship. Cast your burdens upon Jesus.

7. Independent
So you're Ms. Independent and don't need a man for anything else, but companionship, correct? Well keep that between us. Do not go around making this your main topic on your dates. How successful you are, how much money you make, you pay your own bills... bla, bla, bla. Guess who you will attract....bums, gold diggers(guys that want you to financially support them), or absolutely no one. While being an independent woman is good thing, to other independent women, it can be a bad thing to a man that wants you to depend on him, while he's able to depend on you. 

Tip: The man that you deserve wants to be your provider, even if you don't need him to. He will applaud your ambition and success, not for himself, but because he genuinely admires the strong, intelligent woman that you are. He won't try to keep you down, he will build you up. When you grow, he grows, vice versa. The man that you deserve won't need your money, because he has his own. Don't scare him away by acting like you don't need him. Because you will continue to be Ms. Independent.

Of course there are some women that are single by choice. But for the women that actually want a husband, children, and is having a tough time, I hope you find these tips useful. We can't fix others, but we can fix ourselves. Once that is done, you will truly know your worth, and won't settle. Wait for the man that you deserve, and you deserve the absolute best. If you desire to have children, and you don't see that happening, be a mentor to a child. Try not to stress or worry yourself about marriage, kids, relationships...etc. God has a plan for your life, so keep your mind on him. Who knows, maybe Mr. Right is right in front your face. Be patient, be focused,  be encouraged.

Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below, Why do you think you're single?

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

10 Ways to Build Your Self Confidence

I've not always been the most confident person in the world, but as I grew older I gained confidence in who I am. I know many women lack confidence, because we can often bombard ourselves with thoughts like, I'm not smart enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough,...etc. Today marks the day that you put a stop to these negative thoughts. Here are ten ways to build your self confidence:

1. Identify the things that you're good at.
Rather than focusing on the things you're not good at, focus on all the things that you are good at.

2. Don't compare yourself to other people.
You are unique, and there's no one in the world like you. Don't try to fit in, be yourself, stand out.

3. Keep positive people in your circle.
Keep honest, positive people in your circle. People that make you feel better about yourself and not worst. Avoid negative family members and friends as much as possible.

4. Get naked.
Look in the mirror and identify your best features. Is it your eyes, your butt, your lips? Whatever it is, smile about it every single time you look at yourself in the mirror. For things you can change, change it. And for things you can't change, accept it.

5. Bind the spirit of fear in the name of Jesus.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"(2 Timothy 1:7). Stop being fearful about what people may think about you. Your only concern should be about what God thinks. You are wonderfully made. And even if someone calls you ugly, know that they are speaking to themselves. Because it takes an ugly person, to intentionally put another person down.

6. Give compliments.
Instead of being jealous/envious, give someone that you admire a compliment. Their reaction to your compliment will in turn build your confidence. Try it you'll see. Sometimes, you might even get a compliment in return, gracefully accept it.

7. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Be patient with yourself. You can't do it all, that will drain you mentally and physically. Every struggle, disappointment, trial, there's a lesson to be learned. Identity the lesson learnt, and move on. Do not dwell on failures. "For every set back, God has a major comeback".

8. Encourage yourself.
So you cleaned your entire house, and it looks amazing. No one is there to tell you, "Good job!" That's okay, tell yourself that you did a good job. Pat yourself on the back.

9. Appreciate the things that you have.
You might not have a dog, like your neighbor, but you do have a super cool car, or a really pretty clutch. Be thankful. Be grateful for the things that do you have, and don't focus on the things that you don't have, or could have, or should have.

10. Take good care of yourself.
Eat right, exercise, sleep right, love on yourself, take daily showers, spend an extra 2 minutes on your appearance, groom yourself, get your hygiene right,..etc. If you take good care of your body inside and out, this will build your self confidence tremendously.

You are beautiful. You are smart. You are talented. Don't allow anyone to put you down. Acknowledge your worth, because you are worth so much more than anything this world can offer. I hope you are encouraged.



Peace and Love,

          ♥

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Live Like You're Rich When You're Not Part 3

If you haven't read Part 1 and Part 2, ←click the links. Previously, we spoke about the main reasons why a person might be financially challenge and how to fix it. Now, we are going to discuss how to continuously make the most of your money.

Shopping

When shopping online or in stores, be sure to look for coupon codes, special offers, discounts. Etc. Shop around if you have to, find the best value. Why would you purchase something for $230, when you can get it for $70. Be smarter about your shopping, check out thrift stores, free trading websites, and so on. If you have excess money, spend it on your priorities, not on unnecessary overpriced items.

Restaurant Food

I like to eat out occasionally, but if you can't afford to, don't. You can waste a lot of money dining out. The smartest way to combat buying  food is to keep your pantry stocked. Not only stocked, but cook/prepare the things that you have. Stop buying lunch and coffee everyday. Walk with your own lunch, make your coffee at home. Instead of buying a sandwich, make one. Another tip is to have a lot of snack options. You can carry them on the go, to also avoid buying snacks between meals.

Savings
  • Find the best bank with the best interest rate. It's always good to do some research and be sure that you're putting your money where it will be safe and most profitable.
  • Another great idea, if possible, is to put your money in a compound interest CD(Certificate of Deposit). Doing so, you'll be able to earn the most interest, rather than less.
  • Save regularly. Don't slack off on your savings. This is the money you'll be able to achieve your goals with. No money, no accomplishments.
Credit Cards
  • If you do use credit cards, be sure to pay off the balance at the end of the month to avoid paying future interest.
  • Never pay the minimum amount. Always pay much more, if you can't completely pay off your balance.
  • Find cards with rewards, cash back offers, low interest...etc.
  • If you don't know how to use a credit card wisely, cut it up. There's no point owning a card, if it's just going to put you head over heels in debt.
Investments

Once you have a decent amount of money, you can begin to make investments. You can buy a home, renovate it, sell it at a profit, or rent it. You can also wisely invest small amounts of money in the stock market. But be very careful with this, because if you don't know what you're doing, you can lose your money.  The stock market is not just for rich people, and no it's not gambling either. Do your research and find out how, and which companies are the best to invest in. You can practice how to invest by clicking here. Here's another link with steps on how to invest small amounts of money wisely.

“When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.(Deuteronomy 8:10-14)” 

Never forget about God, because every good thing comes from him. The love of money is the root of all evil. However, God wants you to be prosperous, not for your own selfish reasons, but to enhance his kingdom by winning souls, helping the needy, spreading the word...etc. You can't do that effectively without money. True financial independence takes time. In the meanwhile, you can live like you're rich, when you're not, by being smarter with the money that you do have. Simple right? I hope this helps.

Did you find this series helpful? Of the three parts, which was the most beneficial to you? Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below.

Peace and Love,

           ♥

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Spoiler: The Bachelor Chris Soules Chooses Whitney

So before I start, I'll be all over the place. Please bare with me. Do not read this if you're not part of The Bachelor Nation, because you won't get it. Haha!

Chris chooses Whitney! Yay, best decision ever! So I knew without a doubt that Whitney was the one for him. She's smart, strong, sweet, and overall a great gal. I feel she compliments him. Is it just me, every time Chris speaks, my heart beat slows down a little. Like, I don't want him to stammer, or stutter. It's hard to watch someone struggle with words, as much as he did throughout the season. But Whitney articulates her emotions  and words very clearly, and I think she gets Chris. Like he'll be able to be his best self around her. and if he's having a hard time articulating his words, Whitney can help.

For instance, when they crashed the wedding, Chris was so nervous, and didn't know what to say. But Whitney was relaxed and she just flowed, and covered for him. I felt like Whitney and Kaitlyn should've been the final two. Because Becca was just too confused from the get go to be a final. Don't get me wrong, she's a sweet girl, virgin and all, but at the end of the day, he's looking for a wife and a family, someone that loves him, and she really was not ready. Clearly!

I truly believe Chris wanted Becca because she was playing hard to get. "For the chase." Because they seemed okay together, but she just was not into him, Iowa, making babies...etc. I believe it would've been the perfect scenario in his mind, virgin woman meets Chris, moves to Iowa, has 7 children, and lives happily ever after. But Becca was not down for that at all. I hope for her sake, she did not give him the 'goodies.'

He's a great guy, and I'm sure she liked him, but at the end of the day, The Bachelor is about finding love, not finding someone you can potentially love in the future. Look what happened to Juan Pablo's relationship. Becca's lost, Whitney's gain, because Chris is a great guy, very accomplished, sweet, genuine, and looks like he will protect, provide, and love a woman, the way a man should.

I like love stories. I love being in love, watching people find love, and be in love. And I believe every woman deserves to find a man that will love her like Christ love the church, and died for it. This is why I like watching The Bachelor, it's all about love. Read my love story. Click the link.

What are your thoughts about Chris's decision? Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

"Don't Put Your Business on Facebook"

I was speaking to my Dad the other day and he said, "Facebook is the Devil." His concerns were about the number of dishonest people that are on Facebook for the wrong reasons. He made some valid points. Like the world, Facebook is filled with untrustworthy people. And this is exactly why privacy settings were created. You have the option to 'accept' or 'decline' Facebook friend requests, you can block particular people from viewing your photos, commenting on your page info, status,...etc. With that said, if someone shares information on Facebook, I'm almost certain the individual knows exactly who will see it, and know there's a possibility they might be sharing this information with the world ('public'). So when someone post their 'personal business' on Facebook, they either:
  • Had enough,
  • Want you to know,
  • Don't care whether or not the world knows,
  • Or is using Facebook as a medium to vent.
Now, if you happen to be scrolling down your newsfeed, and realize someone has shared what is not your typical Facebook status (e.g. positive, lovey-dovey stuff, inspirational. Etc), instead they shared how frustrated they, how depressed they are, something bad that has happened to them.....here's what you should and should not do.

You Should Not:
  • Publicly or privately reach out to the person, specifically to demand that they delete their post
  • Ignore the person's issues/concerns, and focus on generalizing how Facebook is filled with only nosey, dishonest, un-genuine people, that do not care.
  • Imply that the person is being unintelligent, unreligious, ..etc because of their actions

However, you should:
  • Offer encouragement and support if necessary,
  • Offer help if needed and able,
  • Ignore the status, if you don't agree with it, or do not have anything positive to add to it,
  • Delete the person as your friend, because clearly you do not care to know what's really on their minds,
  • Hide the person's info from showing up on your Facebook newsfeed, if you don't want to delete the person as a friend.
Facebook is a place where family and friends can keep in touch, where people can share their life's milestones, where people can connect with like-minded people, where new friends can be made, where people can inspire others, and  much more. Yes there are those that will use Facebook for the wrong reasons, and that's with everything. Facebook asks, "What's on your mind", and if someone decides to truly share what's really on their mind, they're entitled to do so. Let their conscience be their guide.

I believe it takes a lot of guts, bravery, and courage to inform the public about something that most people would keep to themselves out of shame, embarrassment, or whatever else. But that's just my opinion. Sometimes the truth of one person can inspire someone else. Sometimes when a person shares the truth, they can get the encouragement they need from others. I'm curious to know, what are your thoughts on this subject?

If one of your Facebook friends post that they were mistreated, how would you respond? Would you respond at all? Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below.

Next week we will continue "Live Like You're Rich When You're Not" Part 3. If you haven't read part 1 and part 2,← click the links to do so.