Wednesday, November 19, 2014
3 Things To Do When Your Children Frustrates You
It doesn't end there! You give birth to a precious little baby, that has similar features of your own and that of the person you love. You enjoy smelling them, and kissing their little toezies. Heck, you said hell with your career, and quit your job to be with them. You even breastfed for what seemed like forever, even when you were tired of feeling like a cow. You did it! You did it for them. You did it, because you love them, and want them to have the best, and be the best that they can be.
You couldn't wait until they could walk. You couldn't wait until they could talk. Finally they reach the age where they can walk, and they can talk, and these four words exit their mouth.
"I don't love Mommy." Better yet, you tell them to do something and they say, "No!" It doesn't end there.....no, no, no, there's more.
Because you're the one that has to do most of everything(including disciplinary actions), you end up being the 'bad guy'. While dear Dad is the superhero! And it gets worst, Superhero then decides to say, "The kids are the way they are because of you." Why? Well because you spend the most time with them of course. Oh yea.... that's right. I taught my child to say they don't love me, and sure, I taught my child to be disobedient and disrespectful. "Good job me", says my sarcasm at it's best.
You can feel my frustration, right? If you're reading this you've probably been there, you're right there, right now, or you might be in the future. While your frustration can lead to anger, don't allow it to. Here are three things to do when your children frustrates you.
1. Identify what's causing your frustration. For most of us, it's because we want our children to behave a certain way, say certain things, and then they don't. Our failed expectations, or lack of control, leads us to feeling frustrated.
What To Do: Instead of focusing on what you can't control, focus on what you can control. We may not be able to control our children's behaviors, words, and emotions, but what we can control are the causes and the effects of them. The causes are the things that leads our children to behave a certain way, that we agree/disagree with. The effects are our reactions and the consequences for their inappropriate/appropriate actions. Don't ever allow your children to be disobedient and disrespectful to you. Calm yourself down first. Then discipline your children. Help them to learn, there are consequences for everything, good or bad. Reward and praise them when they do things correctly, and don't dwell on the bad things.
2. Confess that your expectations of your children are a little over-the-top. What are your expectations for your children? Do you want them to be obedient and respectful to you at all times? Do you expect your baby to not cry? Do you expect your toddler to eat without making a mess? Do you expect a 4 year old to do everything independently? Do you say things like, he/she knows better(a 3 year old)? Do you think they should be an example for their younger siblings? Do you expect your teenager to not find the opposite sex interesting? Confess your expectations of them to yourself. And think about it. Are they realistic?
What to Do: Have realistic expectations, or have none at all. Although we may not want to admit it sometimes, but our children are a reflection of ourselves. Just like you won't agree with them every time, your child won't agree with you every time. Just like you say hurtful things sometimes, your child might say hurtful things to you sometimes. We can expect the best, but at the end of the day, your child has a mind of their own, and will ultimately make their own decisions.
Sometimes we are so impatient with our children, and fail to realize everything is a process. We expect them to learn things and do things in one-shot. When we know, we didn't. Be patient with your children, the same way you expect God to be patient with you(2 Peter 3:9). Sometimes we want things instantly, and maybe society made us this way(instant oatmeal, drive-thru, microwaves. Etc), but everything is seedtime(calls for patience), and harvest(Genesis 8:22). Plant a good seed in their lives, give it time, and it will harvest.
3. Ask yourself, "Am I praying enough?" Well are you? Sometimes we try to do everything on our own. When we become overwhelmed and frustrated, we wonder why. The bible says, we have not, because we ask not.
What to do: Ask. You have to be specific, but go ahead and ask God for help with your children, and for yourself (Luke 11:9-13). In addition, speak life over your children and over yourself. "Life and death are in the power of the tongue," so speak life. You can't take back your words, therefore think before you speak. Don't say things that can potentially hinder your children for the rest of their lives (e.g. "You are a very disgusting little child" instead say "You are the most well behaved child in Jesus name"). With God all things are possible. Make positive affirmations, even when it seems impossible or non-existent. Remain positive, especially through the toughest times, because that's when it matters most.
Yes, we went through a lot to have our beautiful children. Yes, we want them to be the best person they can possibly be. Yes, they will frustrate us sometimes and that's okay. If you don't know the truth about people,← click the link. Children are people too. We have to be the parents that God wants us to be. We have to be that example, that we may not have had, and that our children need.
Our goal as parents is to train our children. But we cannot effectively train them, if we can't even train ourselves. Don't focus on the things your children are doing wrong, or the things they should be doing right. I know it's hard, I'm right there with you. Be patient with them, stay positive, and have faith that God will work it out.
I hope this helps.
What led to your frustration with your child/children?
Let's have a heart to heart in the comments below.
Peace and Love.