Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Things to Know Before/After Getting Married


"We have been dating for a few months, and this is the happiest I've been in my whole, entire life. He understands me, he respects me, and I believe he is my soul mate, my destiny....this is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I get so excited when he's around me, and when we are apart I miss him so much. I love him, with all my being."

If you are feeling this way, then you're obviously in love, and ready to take your relationship to the next level. Not so fast lovebird! Before you get married there are some things you need to know. It wouldn't be fair to jump in, and not know what you're getting yourself into, right?
Let's start off by getting a few facts/observations out of the way:

Fact #1: Marriage is a choice. You can choose to marry Mr. Wrong and you can choose to marry Mr. Right. But just because you say "I do", it doesn't mean you made the right decision. Not everyone is from God.

Fact #2: If there are things you need to fix in a man, marrying him won't fix it. You can't change a person's character, unless they want to change, or a miracle happens. And while God is still in business to perform miracles, unless the person is willing to receive it, nothing will change.

Fact #3: If there are 'red flags' while you're dating, and you can't see yourself dealing with it "until death do you part", then now is your chance to walk away. Those red flags are your warnings, don't ignore them. No one is perfect, but if you are fully aware of the man's imperfections, don't marry him and expect them to vanish.

Fact #4: Don't marry someone, unless you have seen their 'bad side'. Ever heard the saying, "If something is too good to be true, it's too good to be true." The worse thing you can do is marry someone having high expectations, and later regret it because you are now seeing their bad side.

Fact #5:This may be redundant, but I'll just say it again. The guy you choose to marry, will be the same guy during your marriage. He might end up being better, or  he might end up being worse. It's in the vows, and it's there for a reason. Expect the best, but prepare for the worse. Of course there's more, but that's for another blog.

THE GOOD

If you did make the right decision, then your marriage will be filled with more good times than bad. You will have:
  • A man that will love you, protect you, and provide for you.
  • A man that shares your values and beliefs.
  • A best friend for a lifetime.
  • A handsome man all to yourself to explore(1 Corinthians 7:4,5).
  • A man that will make sacrifices for you.
  • A man that accepts you for who you are.
  • A man that will support you, and be there for you on your quest to replenish the earth.
  • A man that will comfort you and build you up.
  • A man you can have fun with, and will make you laugh more than he makes you cry.
  • A man that fears God and is quick to make amends with you.
  • A man that will be honest to you, even when it may hurt you.
  • A man that respects you and those close to you.
THE BAD

There will be bad times. Don't be fooled, no relationship is perfect. Because just like us, men are not perfect. He will:

  • Make you angry. Because he knows exactly what pushes your buttons.
  • Make you cry, saying things that will hurt your feelings.
  • Not always agree with you on everything. No one will.
  • Do things that will annoy/frustrate you.
Ladies, he will do bad things, but it doesn't make him a bad person overall. I know sometimes we may feel like, "If he loves me, he wouldn't hurt me". While this is true, he is in a fleshly body; in it he will make mistakes. Overtime, he will improve, because he loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you. He will sincerely apologize, and communicate with you to resolve any conflicts that will arise. And this is a sign that you're in a healthy relationship.

THE UGLY

No one gets married, with the intention to divorce. Then again, I would hope no one does that. People marry, with the hopes of making it work, and having a long lasting, healthy relationship. But the truth is, sometimes we make the wrong decisions. We marry Mr. Wrong. While there are some rare cases where Mr. Wrong can end up being Mr. Right, it's very rare. This is the relationship that you should always seek Godly counseling about, and/or get away from. He will:

  • Break your trust over and over again. He will continuously be dishonest to you, whether it's lying to you, cheating on you, stealing from you...etc.
  • Verbally, physically, and/or mentally abuse you. He will hit you, he will try to lower your self esteem, and/or he will negatively mess with your mind/emotions. This environment is unsafe and unstable. Find somewhere safe to stay.
  • Not have sex with you. Not only because he doesn't want to, but because you don't feel comfortable enough to be intimate with him.
  • Not communicate effectively with you. You won't be able to talk to him about anything, without it turning out to be an argument. He won't listen to you and every conversation ends up being a waste, and your problems are never resolved.
  • Stress you out. You would rather stay at work, than to come home to him.
  • Cause you to have thoughts of suicide, but don't do it; he's not worth your life. 
  • Push you away.  He doesn't want to do anything with you. He stays in his lane, and expects you to do the same.
If you do decide to get married, or you are married, patience is key. Successful marriages don't just occur, they are developed. Pray together and always keep God at the center of your marriage. Do not worry, have doubts, or fear. Always remain positive in your relationship, don't let the Devil win. He wants division, because he knows a Godly partnership is powerful. If you believe God has joined you together with this man, put in the work. The results will be totally worth it.

What are your thoughts on marriage? Do you have some points to add to the good,  the bad, and the ugly? Let me know, comment below.

Peace and Love,

HeartMamaVI

10 comments:

  1. What's your advice for staying in a bad marriage

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    1. It depends. What is bad in the marriage? If it's something from "the bad" portion of this post, it's normal. And with time, it will work out. If it's somethings from "the ugly" portion, I recommend counseling, before you decide to just exit the relationship. Last, if you're being abused, leave. It's not safe for you to be around him. I hope this helps.

      Delete
  2. This was right on time. I am in an ugly relationship. I felt if I got married to him he might change. After reading this I know I would be making a huge mistake, huh? Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kera. I'm sorry that you're in an ugly relationship, because you deserve the best. Marrying a man that's already treating you badly, won't change him as a person. Sometimes it's better to be happily single, than to be sadly married. Seek God's guidance, because true happiness comes from him. Don't settle for less than you deserve. And every woman deserves the absolute best. I hope this helps. And subscribe, more good reads to come.

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    2. I agree Heart Mamavi, it's better to wait on Mr. Right than Mr. Right Now. Don't make a bad situation permanent, get out now and grow from your past experiences.

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    3. Exactly RML. Thanks for stopping by.

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  3. Replies
    1. You're welcome. Thanks for stopping by.:)

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  4. Any advise on what to do after discovering you've married "Mr. WRONG?" After dating 6 and a half years we finally tied the knot, however, within our first year as husband and wife, I finally realized why I have been so unhappy, emotionally drained and stressed beyond belief ... I married the wrong person and looking back, I now see I ignored the red flags and don't understand why - because I can assure you I didn't ignore them intentionally. Maybe I did so because of the low self-esteem I've been suffering from (another one of my recent discoveries). To sum up our first year married: even though we are both 30 years old, it wasn't until we got married and purchased our first home that my 'husband' was finally living the life of a 'real' adult, which meant it was the first time in our entire relationship where he too had to contribute financially and pay the bills like ever other decent grown adult in society. It wasn't until I unfortunately lost my job that it all began to make sense: he couldn't handle being a responsible adult. After I lost my job he decided to abandon every sacred marital vow ... leaving me with all our bills (including our home mortgage - which was a recent "newlyweds" purchase) He ran back to his parents house, filled their heads with complete fabrications and they support his irresponsible decisions of being a worthless, piece of shit of a 'man.'

    What angers me is that I now am left with nothing after spending so many years and so much of my hard earned money. Please help!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Any advise on what to do after discovering you've married "Mr. WRONG?" After dating 6 and a half years we finally tied the knot, however, within our first year as husband and wife, I finally realized why I have been so unhappy, emotionally drained and stressed beyond belief ... I married the wrong person and looking back, I now see I ignored the red flags and don't understand why - because I can assure you I didn't ignore them intentionally. Maybe I did so because of the low self-esteem I've been suffering from (another one of my recent discoveries). To sum up our first year married: even though we are both 30 years old, it wasn't until we got married and purchased our first home that my 'husband' was finally living the life of a 'real' adult, which meant it was the first time in our entire relationship where he too had to contribute financially and pay the bills like ever other decent grown adult in society. It wasn't until I unfortunately lost my job that it all began to make sense: he couldn't handle being a responsible adult. After I lost my job he decided to abandon every sacred marital vow ... leaving me with all our bills (including our home mortgage - which was a recent "newlyweds" purchase) He ran back to his parents house, filled their heads with complete fabrications and they support his irresponsible decisions of being a worthless, piece of shit of a 'man.'

    What angers me is that I now am left with nothing after spending so many years and so much of my hard earned money. Please help!!

    ReplyDelete